The past ~ 2 months have been some of the hardest, most frustrating months of my life I believe. I hurt my back. So, big deal, a lot of people have back trouble. Yeah I know, I already dealt with daily back pain. I sucked it up and still worked, went to the store, cleaned house, etc. This with my back now, this is like slamming into a brick wall. This is not being able to be on my feet for even an hour before I am in tears. This is not being able to sit in my desk chair for 2-3 hours without both legs feeling like Freddy Kreuger is shredding them. This is being afraid to do anything that requires bending for more than a second or two if John is not home because I may get stuck. This is being stubborn and going to the store with John and then by the time we get home he has to lift my feet over the ledge of the car so I can get out because I can’t. This is me having an epidural and 6 days later still hoping it will work. And more than that, emotionally, this has devastated me. I went from working and covering my own bills and helping with household expenses to not working, not being able to cover my bills on my own and watching as the man I love is having to shoulder everything. He does it without complaint, but I know it’s hard on him.
People tell me to get on disability, and I don’t know it may come to that. What they don’t realize is you have to be disabled 6 months before they will even consider it. So they won’t even LOOK seriously at my application until December. This is August, so what do we do for the next 4 months?
A job opening is available. It’s an office job, so it won’t be all the bending and lifting and pulling I had to do with elderly care. The only thing is, as things stand right now I can’t sit up 8 hrs. I interviewed and hope I get it. I’m gonna do everything I can to endure the sitting if they hire me, even if it means going to work with ice packs and the TENS unit hooked up to me. We need the money and I would get insurance. Not to mention the boost to my self-esteem. I feel so worthless right now because I am not working, I can’t do stuff around the house and I can no longer really do the shopping. I walk around the store with John and pay for it afterwards, but I wouldn’t be able to shop and unload the car and put stuff away.
Hopefully I get this job…
Right now the doctors are trying to figure out what to do about me. Trying to figure out the best way to get me relief while keeping in mind that I have no insurance so I have to pay up front. I hope they figure something out soon.




