Miscellania

On Tuesday the 20th, Russ’s mom Lynn had surgery. It was a scary surgery, but so far she is doing great. Lynn had stage 2b esophageal cancer. She went through chemo and radiation and the next part was this surgery which removed her entire esophagus and stretched her stomach up to form a new “food tube”. The surgery took about 4 hours.

Because Lynn is a smoker and she had previous surgeries around her diaphragm and so on they fully expected her to be on a ventilator after surgery. She surprised us all by not needing the vent. That first night we finally got in to see her at 8:30. We didn’t stay long because she was hurting and they were holding off on giving her the full dose of pain meds till she had a chance to visit with us, Patricia, her pastor and his wife.

The doctor said they found no evidence of cancer in the 2 lymph nodes that had previously had it and the chemo and radiation had shrunk the tumor a lot, where they almost couldn’t feel it. Even so, the surgery was necessary because all it would have taken is one rogue cancer cell that a biopsy didn’t see and the tumor would have come back.

Yesterday morning they had her up in a chair watching TV. They cut her oxygen from 4 liters to 2. When we went to see her last night her blood oxygen level kept dropping down as low as 85% (anything below 90 and the machine beeped) so I think they bumped her oxygen up a little. She wasn’t outputting enough urine so they put her on Lasix. They also gave her 2 shots in her stomach- one was a blood thinner, which along with the leg cuffs was to help her not get blood clots, the other shot was to help her regenerate new cells faster. Her main complaint last night besides hurting from coughing (which she needs to do to get fluid out of her lungs and avoid pneumonia) was that her mouth was dry. The most we could do though was dip a swab in water and let her swab the inside of her mouth (she insisted on doing it herself).

Today we just found out she is now in her own room. When I get off work we are going to go see her.

Nothing like a full day focusing on the thing that most makes you feel like a failure as a woman. The only difference this year is I didn’t get guilt tripped in an attempt to make me go to church. Only because Nanny felt too bad to go today.

I refuse to go to church on Mother’s Day. It is so painful to sit there watching all the mothers go forward and get recognized and get their flowers. What about those of us who have tried and just endured loss after loss? Not there would be any winning with me. If I went to church and they acknowledged those of us who are trying to become moms and not succeeding I would be too upset to stand up be acknowledged. Either way it’s like standing up and saying “Hey look at me I fail at the one thing I want most out of life.”

Not a single person said Happy Mother’s Day to me, I guess it’s because to most Angel babies don’t count.

For once I think I am thinking “Is it Monday yet?”

I am so tired. I would give anything for a full night’s sleep where I didn’t wake up every hour. And maybe that is clouding everything else, but I think it’s pretty bad when the idea of coming to work makes you wanna burst into tears. I am hurting. I don’t know how to explain it other than it feels like someone is trying to over-inflate a weighted ball in my bladder. It hurts to sit or stand. I don’t feel like cooking dinner. I am fed up with my  brother-in-law and my grandmother’s sister-in-law and my boss and I guess life right now.

Jazzmyn Rache “Jazz” Dubuisson, 20, born March 9, 1988 in Mt. Holly, N.J., died April 26, 2008 in Gulf Shores.

She was a member of Lagoon Baptist Church in Gulf Shores where she was a nursery volunteer and Vacation Bible School teaching assistant and group leader from 1999-2005.

As a 2006 graduate of Gulf Shores High School, her accomplishments included being a People to People European Ambassador (France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland and Germany) in 1999, Duke Talent Search participant, A/B honor roll 2000-2005, National Honor Roll in 2005, several high placements of competition for illustration, writing and video in the Technology Students of America, and the President’s Award for Outstanding Academic Achievement in 2005 and 2006.

Her extracurricular high school activities included Art Club, Interact Club, Leadership Excellence Opportunity Club and cheerleading.

She was enrolled and studying at the University of South Alabama where she was a sorority sister in the Chi Omega Fraternity, Bacchus and Agape.

http://www.myspace.com/jazzmynrache

With the warm weather I tend to start wanting a lot more fresh veggies and light food. So last night we had Citrus Rosemary Chicken, Tomato - Cucumber Salad, Steamed Broccoli and Parsley Red Potatoes.

Recipes/Instructions below

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We went to Pensacola today and I stopped at the International Market. I know what I am eating the next few days: Hummus, Tabbouleh and Naan. I also bought some spring roll wrappers and I am going to make cold spring rolls. I just have to find a good recipe for using Thai style wheat flour wrappers.

Song lyrics | Little Wonders lyrics

Rob Thomas - Little Wonders lyrics

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don’t you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don’t mind
If it’s me you need to turn to
We’ll get by,
It’s the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

Song lyrics | Little Wonders lyrics

I am sooo glad for the weekend to be here. I always say I am going to catch up on my sleep but I never do lol. I have no clue what we are going to do this weekend. I know we want to take Russ’s mom to the Diner we discovered in Pensacola. They had good food. It tasted like everything down to the ranch dressing was homemade.

Russ just told me that he just read “In the United States, Chevron pocketed an average of $87 per barrel for crude oil and natural gas liquids sold in the first quarter, more than doubling from $37 per barrel last year.” OK I understand oil is something we have a finite supply of and as demand continues to increase the price is going to go up. However, that just sounds obscene! Oil is currently $112 per barrel. That $87 is 77.7% of the cost per barrel.

Something HAS to give. We have got to really work at finding and using alternative sources of energy. Of course for those sources to be widely adapted, they will have to be affordable. That is one the major kickers. I’d love to set up solar panels to offset some of the electricity we use, but they are expensive. It was 3 months ago we went car shopping. I would have loved to get some kind of hybrid that got wonderful gas mileage, but they cost so much more.

The US, especially rural areas, needs a much better public transportation system. The fewer cars on the road, the less fuel used. I know our area is not very pedestrian/bike friendly. There are a few sidewalks and they even put in a walking/bike path in down Fort Morgan Road. The brain dead thing is that path is off the road, behind trees in a lot of cases, and it is not lit. So at night there are still bikers/walkers that are riding/walking right on the side of the road. We have come close to hitting some of them.

This song just has me floored. There have been so many times in my life that this fit. There are times when there is no apologizing. This song just expresses that so intensely. The video itself gives me chills. Hopefully this works!

Song lyrics | Apologize lyrics