I think part of the reason for my mood is missing people who are gone: Uncle Mike, Uncle Martin, Ganny, Mister Bob and also the anniversary of a miscarriage is right around the corner. I am also still decompressing from all the pain and stress from what happened with Dan. It’s that time of month and I am hurting plus the extra emotional bit to go along with it. This too shall pass, and I know I have so much to look forward to.
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for December 2008
Melancholy
Melancholy n. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom.
That’s me right now. I can’t sleep. From 9pm till midnight I was so tired I kept falling asleep on Skype with Phil. Now 2:22 am and I am wide freakin awake. Some aspects of my life are awesome- I am losing weight, I have people who care about and love me. I am happy about that I really am, but right now I just feel like I am surrounded by a dark cloud. Maybe it is the season, maybe it is hormones, maybe it is aftereffects of the evil Flexeril I took last night. Maybe it’s just I am not used to good things happening so part of me is waiting for the shoe to drop.
Just the other day I said I actually looked forward to the future for once and it was and is true. I do look forward to the future. I think as I start making steps in the right direction things will be downright wonderful for me. Maybe it is the unknown, not knowing how long before my dreams can come to pass. I don’t know, I guess I am feeling impatient. Right now I don’t want to be responsible, I just wanna go do what I wanna do. I know I can’t right now, but the desire is there.
Sometimes I feel like my heart, soul and being have already taken off and are a long ways away from me. I want to go to where they are. *Sigh*
This probably makes very little sense, but my mind won’t slow down long enough for me to find the right words.
Sweet Potatoes
I am NOT a big fan of them, at least not the way I have been presented with them most of my life. This consists of either baked (which renders them sort of a cross between mush and slime and I am so bad about food textures) or the quintessential southern souffle topped with a ton of marshmallows. I do like sweet potato fries. I watched good eats and saw where Alton Brown recommended steaming them. I decided to steam them and make my own souffle. Unfortunately I didn’t measure, but here is what I did. This made enough for 2 people to eat as a side with 2 meals and still have a serving to send to Russ’s mom. I also ate 1 serving cold with whipped cream heh.
2 sweet potatoes peeled, cut into cubes
Mascarpone Cheese
1 Egg
Dried Cranberries
Pecans- some toasted, some not
Brown Sugar
Maple Syrup
Cinnamon
Nutmeg (fresh grated)
Coconut
Butter
Molasses
Salt
I would have added vanilla but I was out *sigh*
I couldn’t find my steamer basket so I put a wire mesh strainer over a pot that had a little boiling water in it and lidded it. How long depends on how big your cubes are. You want them soft but not mushy or falling apart.
I put the potatoes in a bowl and added a heaping spoon of mascarpone cheese, a few generous handfuls of dried cranberries, toasted pecans, maple syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and molasses. (I would have also added vanilla at this point) I used the mixer to whip this up. Taste and adjust flavorings. Remember though that once baked it will taste a bit sweeter than raw. Then I added my egg while the mixer was going. Don’t overmix, you just want to make it a bit fluffy. Scrape it into a buttered casserole dish.
Mix butter, coconut (bout 1/2 can), untoasted pecans, brown sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg to make a crumb topping. Make a good bit. This was my favorite part hehe. Sprinkle this very liberally (more of a layer than a sprinkle). Bake at 375 F until crumb top is toasty and firms up. Everything else is cooked except the eggs when you put it in. I think I baked it about 45 minutes, but mainly keep an eye on it.
I know I am being vague, I made this as an experiment before Thanksgiving. But it should give a jumping off point at least.
I’ve been…
Absolutely awful at writing in my blog. I don’t know why exactly. I have some food stuff I have been meaning to add. I just .. meh. Things are going on and I guess I am holding them close to me, good and bad. I think this is going to be a skimpy Christmas, but the gifts I do give will be coming straight from the heart.
I’ve been more social in WoW and have made some new friends. It feels good to feel free to talk to people and help people without worry of snippy remarks. I have put in way more hours than I should lately just because it is nice to be able to do whatever I want.
I have been steady losing weight, which makes me very happy. I have added Hydroxycut to the mix just to try to jump start my metabolism a bit. I am not taking the full dose though, staying at the starting dose because I don’t want my blood pressure to rocket up. Being skinny won’t do me a lick of good if I give myself a stroke or heart attack. Phil sent me a bottle to try to see how I did with it.
If I ever manage to find my $50 rebate visa card I am getting my hair cut…short. The place I am going does personal consultations and customizes based on hair type and bone structure. I want something short, low to no maintenance apart from getting it cut, that emphasizes my eyes and doesn’t make me look like a boy. I am thinking pixie cut short.