My Family Christmas is this Sunday. I am taking spinach dip (just the traditional knorr), white chocolate fudge (satsuma zest, white chocolate, condensed milk, toasted almonds, dried cranberries), and broccoli salad. The salad is a hybrid between the one I am used to and the one John is used to. The one I am used to is broccoli, red onions, raisins and bacon bits in a mayo/sugar/apple cider vinegar dressing. The one he is used to is broccoli, cherry tomatoes and shredded cheddar in the same type dressing. I combined the two and left out the raisins. It came out really good.

I am making homemade goodies to give people as well. In addition to the previously mentioned fudge I am hoping to make date balls, double chocolate walnut biscotti, oreo balls, marshmallows, haystacks (butterscotch and chowmein noodles), forgotten cookies, rum balls and pistachio nougat. If the weather cooperates I may make divinity but really I think I am making more than enough sweets hehe.

John is on the road and I am missing him. I know he will be home tomorrow and I am so looking forward to it. I think we are gonna hang out with his family on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I am not sure. Either way I have both days off so I am game for whatever. I am looking forward to Christmas this year. I can't wait to give John his present. I know he isn't expecting it, but I am equally sure he will really like it. He *better* hehe. I was torn on whether to go for it or not and decided what the heck.

In other news I am getting a tattoo. Jake is going to help me come up with a phoenix design I like and I am getting it on my left upper arm. It is to symbolize my healing and journey toward self acceptance. It is also going to not only cover the scars on my arm, but he is going to come up with a way to use them in the design to add even more depth and meaning.

On the 12th we went to Jake's wife Amy's graduation. It was a rainy day but we had fun. We all ate at Atlas in p-cola. The food was great and extra bonus points for the presentation. It just would have been a good time for me to suddenly love seafood.

Today I am tired. The phone kept ringing off the hook this morning. As a side note…never ever EVER do an online quote for health insurance unless it is through an official carrier like Blue Cross & Blue Shield. Thank goodness for caller ID. 

We mailed out tax papers to the IRS. At this rate I may get my money by the end of the year.

My birthday is coming up. I have no idea what I want. Well there are lots of things I want, it is just a matter of finding a place to put them or having the money to buy them. I have to make a list. I hate trying to come up with a list lol.

• Russ’s mom got out of the hospital May 29th
• She got readmitted May 31st dehydrated and with pneumonia
• we later found out it was MRSA pneumonia
• they put her on Vancomycin, it was working
• It stopped working
• They put her on Zyvox
• Her veins would no longer take an IV
• choice: pills or a PICC line — she chose pills
• Got to come home June 11th
• major drama – we wouldnt let her go home alone
• We start june $400 in hole because of gas and frequent hospital trips
• I work out a living right on the razor thin wire way to get us out of said hole
• today bad news from IRS – owe over $6000 on money I never got
• Filed my taxes the end of January but because of above I still dont have my return or our $600 stimulus payment
• all of above = me at end of my fucking rope

Because Lynn is a smoker and she had previous surgeries around her diaphragm and so on they fully expected her to be on a ventilator after surgery. She surprised us all by not needing the vent. That first night we finally got in to see her at 8:30. We didn’t stay long because she was hurting and they were holding off on giving her the full dose of pain meds till she had a chance to visit with us, Patricia, her pastor and his wife.

The doctor said they found no evidence of cancer in the 2 lymph nodes that had previously had it and the chemo and radiation had shrunk the tumor a lot, where they almost couldn’t feel it. Even so, the surgery was necessary because all it would have taken is one rogue cancer cell that a biopsy didn’t see and the tumor would have come back.

Yesterday morning they had her up in a chair watching TV. They cut her oxygen from 4 liters to 2. When we went to see her last night her blood oxygen level kept dropping down as low as 85% (anything below 90 and the machine beeped) so I think they bumped her oxygen up a little. She wasn’t outputting enough urine so they put her on Lasix. They also gave her 2 shots in her stomach- one was a blood thinner, which along with the leg cuffs was to help her not get blood clots, the other shot was to help her regenerate new cells faster. Her main complaint last night besides hurting from coughing (which she needs to do to get fluid out of her lungs and avoid pneumonia) was that her mouth was dry. The most we could do though was dip a swab in water and let her swab the inside of her mouth (she insisted on doing it herself).

Today we just found out she is now in her own room. When I get off work we are going to go see her.

Jazzmyn Rache “Jazz” Dubuisson, 20, born March 9, 1988 in Mt. Holly, N.J., died April 26, 2008 in Gulf Shores.

She was a member of Lagoon Baptist Church in Gulf Shores where she was a nursery volunteer and Vacation Bible School teaching assistant and group leader from 1999-2005.

As a 2006 graduate of Gulf Shores High School, her accomplishments included being a People to People European Ambassador (France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland and Germany) in 1999, Duke Talent Search participant, A/B honor roll 2000-2005, National Honor Roll in 2005, several high placements of competition for illustration, writing and video in the Technology Students of America, and the President’s Award for Outstanding Academic Achievement in 2005 and 2006.

Her extracurricular high school activities included Art Club, Interact Club, Leadership Excellence Opportunity Club and cheerleading.

She was enrolled and studying at the University of South Alabama where she was a sorority sister in the Chi Omega Fraternity, Bacchus and Agape.

http://www.myspace.com/jazzmynrache

Still haven’t decided on what to fix for dinner. Right now my appetite is a bit off because Russ and I tackled the fridge. I am officially traumatized. I wish it were easier to clean out the fridge. Not the process itself, but doing it without Nanny getting out of sorts because food is being tossed. The process itself isn’t that bad…unless you are dealing with stuff that goes beyond the realm of turning into a science experiment. We had quite a few containers that were like that. A few times I was thankful my stomach was empty. Yes, it was that bad… *shudders*

Along those lines I just do not get saving 1 spoonful of peas or mac-n-cheese or, and I kid you not, 2-3 small bites of pasta with meat and veggies and a small piece of garlic bread with a bite taken out. Yes I know she grew up during the depression era but she herself has said they never did without. It’s not just her I know, it’s her generation. The world is not going to come crashing to an end just because 3 bites of food gets thrown away. If it matters that much that it not go to waste then start a compost heap or something. Once food is over 3 days old I generally will not eat it. I rather be safe that end up sick as a dog.

ok enough rants.
here’s a cute puppy picture: